OLIVIA'S ACCOMPLISHMENT OF THE DAY!

This is going to be short:

I just carried a giant suitcase (I can fit inside almost), a computer bag, a large purse, an umbrella, a medium drink, and a bag of food from McDonald's, across campus then up three flights of stairs to my dorm room. In the rain. In heels. In a dress.

If that isn't an accomplishment...I just don't know what is.

Did I mention that rain wasn't just a drizzle? It was a torential DOWNPOUR!! I just wanted to get back to my warm, cozzyyy dorm room.

Then I get here, and it's freezing and smells really awful because my roommate didn't take her trash out before she left for the LONG weekend. Like...who does that when there's FOOD in the trash?! I didn't take mine out because it's all PAPER. Like, really...it smells awful in here.

So yeah, that's that. When I told someone about this though, the three flights of stairs and the heels, etc, I got a funny response though, so that made it better.

OLIVIA GETS CALLED A WHORE!

And I think it's hilarious, because it is SO far from the truth! Also it's funny because it's someone I went to High School with who has told people this, and it's someone who I have not had any contact with and don't even particularly like, so it's even better!

The friend who told me that this chick is telling people we went to school with responded with this:

"Yeah, that's completely untrue. I have tried to get on Olivia so many times, and she has refused every time. Pretty much anyone will say the same thing."

This was the best part, because it was hilarious. And true. I don't wanna bang random people, as a whore would do, because it's just not worth that mess! It's unclean!

OLIVIA'S BABY IS SICK!

Everyone is familiar with my baby, correct?



Not the Quiznos, the Jeep. MY Jeep. My Jeep that I bought myself (with help) as my first car, the Jeep that I has been withe me to hold me tight through the tough times, the Jeep whose tires have lost traction multiple times in the rain and almost killed me, the Jeep that kills a little more of the environment every time I drive it. This is the Jeep whose backseat is usually filled with so much random shit that I could probably live in there quite comfortably if I had to.

I love this Jeep, and it's dead right now. I parked it in the parking lot by the place I work after I got my tag (gotsta have a tag because it's a private lot right by Beale and the damn tourists keep parking there, and I'm like, bitch, this is MY lot!) and then later on that night, I went to go home, and it would not start. Okay, no big deal, I will try to jump it in the morning. So I get a ride back to campus and go back the next day, where a super cute guy tried to jump my jeep with his, also cute, because Jeeps helping Jeeps should be like...a philanthropy. Anyway, wasn't the battery.

So it's probably the starter. I am pretty crushed. I miss having it around.

Also, and this is really, really stupid of me, I didn't make the connection between being a delivery driver last night and having no car until I got to work yesterday. So I had to drive my mananger's car. And that is a nice car. I highly reccommend the 4runner. It's very nice. And goes from 0-60 like you have no idea...

OLIVIA CRACKS HERSELF UP!

So tonight I had to go to see some chick speak about Greek Life for my sorority and stuff. She was a really great speaker and I did enjoy it, but I realized something about myself, I'm kinda weird. Why? Well various reasons, but this is what I'm talking about tonight; she asked what it took to make a relationship successful, and I answered to my amazing friend next to me, "He's gotta get me food..." And that is truthfully the first thing I thought of, while everyone else echoed love and friendship and that shit, I am thinking that that five piece nugget, small fries, and coke, was just not enough. I actually want to marry the literal chain of Wendy's fine food eateries...I love it that much.

Anyway, this began me thinking, what makes the Olivia like the boys she does? What is the key to Olivia's adorable little heart? So, here are the top ten!

1. Food. I love food. People ask me if I'm anorexic, and I am offended, not because they think I have an eating disorder, many great people have eating disorders (I'm lookin at you Mary-Kate!) I just love food so much! Like, do people think I'm ridiculously stupid and do not know how amazing food is?! Every time I finish inhaling something from Wendy's I go into a food satisfaction trance...(spelling?)...and I am in a state of complete bliss for like, ten minutes. It's like opium...

2. Text messages. Love em. Almost anyone I am in regular communication with will tell you that I text ridiculously too much. I just really love that I can type something, and it magically gets transported through THE AIR to another place! In one piece! Does that not blow your fucking mind!? I send messages to people next to me, because I have that power, and I think it's funny.

3. Mix tapes. Nothing says cheesy like Olivia, aside from mix tapes. I love any time someone makes a mix for me, it says to me "Hey, I spent actual TIME picking these songs out! Because I think you're the shit!" And then I'm like, wow, you're totally right, I am the shit, I love you!

4. Movies. I love movies insanely, you should know this, I want to direct. I love watching a movie and ripping it apart in my head if I feel the need, (notice I said in my head, because I don't want to be that guy), If it's a theater, no talking, if it's a DVD, I will probably talk, and I hate me for it, but it depends on the movie and how into it I am. If it's an action movie, don't speak, I am very busy. Comedy, sure, let's chat.

5. Being smart. That's really all I have to say here...

6. If you know something about literature, let's just go ahead and get married. Let me rephrase it- If you CARE about literature, like some classic type shit, and we can have an analytical dicussion about it, let's get married now.

7. Disagreeing with me but not a lot. More like, holding your own opinions regardless of what I think, because I'm not going to budge and I'd like the same type of non-pussiness.

8. Any time a guy makes me want to be a better person that is insanely great. Like, that's great. Except I'm pretty much as great as I can get...so...

9. Being enthusiastic about something, as well as stuff I am enthusiastic about. Like...I get pumped about so much stuff, and I love it when people are equally pumped. Pumped is such a funny word...

10. Being not an asshole. Assholes include guys that are all anti-gay rights and shit, general douchebags, put other people down, put me down, and dress like dumbasses. Because realllllyyyy, if I accidently date some dumbass homophobe again, I think I'll be pushed to the brink and start mass murderes...

The list started sucking at the end but I feel good ab it. I have to write a 6 page paper now.

OLIVIA HATES YOU!

To the chick in my Sociology class:

Dear you,

I really want to punch you in the neck every time you decide to chime in during lecture. Everything you decide to say sounds the same and not intelligent. The class is unbearable to nearly everyone in the room, and it is made worse by you deciding to state your opinion on every single thing that is mentioned in lecture. I just want to leave class. Really, I do. I want to make a good grade on the test, and leave. This is made far more difficult when you will not shut up and just sit there, like everyone else.

Please shut your dumb face,
Olivia