OLIVIA READ HER HOROSCOPE, AND OBEYED AS A JOKE!

So in our campus paper, there are ridonkulous horoscopes. Mine yesterday was as follows:

"You've been praying for the perfect person to come along. Be a little bit more specific. You could even run an ad."

Not only is this an awful horoscope, but it's also a little bit poorly written. Not a lot of flow there. But also, it's totally true! I SHOULD be more specific. Not to the point of putting out an ad, that's weird for a chick so young and bangin as myself.

Anyway, I read my horoscope while eating lunch with a couple friends of mine, and as a joke, started writing out a list on a napkin (we have like, industrial napkins in this college, no joke). The result was actually a really good list! But also, it made me realize that I am never going to find this man:

-Smart
-Cares about something, some kind of worldly issues, etc.
-Likes good music
-Assertive
-Dresses nice!
-Holds doors open
-Funny
-Passionate about something, anything.
-Involved
-Spontaneous
-Nice
-Good Morals
-Not judgemental
-Acknowleges that I'm smart
-Into politics-don't care which side
-Likes movies
-Understanding
-Doesn't make me plan what we're going to do when we hang out
-Romantic but not weirdly mush/make me throw up in my mouth
-Likes football
-Likes that song that's on my Facebook (Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol)
-Won't cheat on me
-Doesn't feel the need to constantly hang out, but does want to
-Will go bowling with me and enjoy it
-Will teach me how to play paintball
-Will teach me to drive a stick
-Will let me drive but also will drive.
-Will give me random food, because I love food
-Thinks I'm funny
-Is able to participate in intellectual conversations!!
-Doesn't mind that I swear every now and then...a lot
-Social/likes parties
-Likes Demetri Martin! (a plus)
-Preferably goes to the same school!!
-Not a criminal, unless it's really sexy.
-Will walk slow when I'm lazy
-And EQUAL
-Won't let me boss him around but won't boss me around
-Not an asshole
-Not sexist
-Not ignorant
-Good personality
-Has good friends
-Encouraging/supportive

It occurred to me while writing this that I'm apparently looking for a gay man, because god knows that I'm not going to find a straight man that matches up with this list! I'll take like, 80% though. Or just someone really beautiful.