Olivia is scared to death.

There was a shooting at my college a few hours ago and one of our football players was shot and is possibly dead. No one knows, everyone is scared, and the university is not helping us out by giving any info through the site, our emergency text service, or email. It's awful and I can't even be funny right now, it's like...awful.

OLIVIA ADDS ON!

To my list from the last blog:

-Not an annoying drunk
-Loves old and new Kung Fu movies
-Writes on my Facebook wall, but not too much

The first one is inspired by a lot of annoying drunk frat guys from parties last night, the other two I just thought of. But on the note of drunkedness:

People who are annoying drunks should not be allowed to be drunk. Because everyone will hate you. You are allowed to get buzzed or even tipsy, but once you cross that line you need to go somewhere far away. I love friendly, smiley drunk people! I am a friendly smiley tipsy person! I don't cross that line because then I start singing, and calling people (Jack, let's not broadcast that). But last night I saw some guy from a class and he was great! I had hardly talked to the guy and we were best friends! I saw another guy I know, and he didn't make any sense, but he was funny! THAT's what you should be like when you are drunk, not needy and annoying. That's not attractive.

OLIVIA READ HER HOROSCOPE, AND OBEYED AS A JOKE!

So in our campus paper, there are ridonkulous horoscopes. Mine yesterday was as follows:

"You've been praying for the perfect person to come along. Be a little bit more specific. You could even run an ad."

Not only is this an awful horoscope, but it's also a little bit poorly written. Not a lot of flow there. But also, it's totally true! I SHOULD be more specific. Not to the point of putting out an ad, that's weird for a chick so young and bangin as myself.

Anyway, I read my horoscope while eating lunch with a couple friends of mine, and as a joke, started writing out a list on a napkin (we have like, industrial napkins in this college, no joke). The result was actually a really good list! But also, it made me realize that I am never going to find this man:

-Smart
-Cares about something, some kind of worldly issues, etc.
-Likes good music
-Assertive
-Dresses nice!
-Holds doors open
-Funny
-Passionate about something, anything.
-Involved
-Spontaneous
-Nice
-Good Morals
-Not judgemental
-Acknowleges that I'm smart
-Into politics-don't care which side
-Likes movies
-Understanding
-Doesn't make me plan what we're going to do when we hang out
-Romantic but not weirdly mush/make me throw up in my mouth
-Likes football
-Likes that song that's on my Facebook (Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol)
-Won't cheat on me
-Doesn't feel the need to constantly hang out, but does want to
-Will go bowling with me and enjoy it
-Will teach me how to play paintball
-Will teach me to drive a stick
-Will let me drive but also will drive.
-Will give me random food, because I love food
-Thinks I'm funny
-Is able to participate in intellectual conversations!!
-Doesn't mind that I swear every now and then...a lot
-Social/likes parties
-Likes Demetri Martin! (a plus)
-Preferably goes to the same school!!
-Not a criminal, unless it's really sexy.
-Will walk slow when I'm lazy
-And EQUAL
-Won't let me boss him around but won't boss me around
-Not an asshole
-Not sexist
-Not ignorant
-Good personality
-Has good friends
-Encouraging/supportive

It occurred to me while writing this that I'm apparently looking for a gay man, because god knows that I'm not going to find a straight man that matches up with this list! I'll take like, 80% though. Or just someone really beautiful.

THIS MIGHT BE THE REASON OLIVIA IS ALWAYS TIRED

This was at maybe 12:30 last night, I don't know. I was working on a paper that I had planned on being done with way earlier but then there was a very OC-esque arguement and I ended up finally finished my three papers at 1:30 AM, still upset and tired.

BUT the one thing that made me feel better was taking this video, because it cracks me up that I did. You will see why. My roommate snores like the lovechild of a Hippo and Cher.



Yeah. I know. If anyone in the Memphis area wants me to come live with them free of charge and provide me with warm meals on command, let me know! Because I have to barracade my head with pillows and shove cotton balls in my ears. The snoring is audible over my ipod turned all the way up, to give you an idea of how bad it gets.

OLIVIA IS GLAD SHE'S NOT BRITNEY SPEARS

Because Britney is a broken woman. She looked so depressed on her VMA performance, I couldn't even mock her. She looked great body-wise, not weirdly skinny or anything like a lot of chicks performing might have, you know? I'm really am glad she's a normal size, there are too many skinny celebs! But she looked tired and had that "I want to go home" look on her face. Not an "I love dancing like a slut in a weird underwear-esque outfit while my two children are at home wondering what the hell."

I wonder if she's just sort of like, not wanting to do any of it anymore. I would support her in that! Just saying enough is enough before going down the Anna Nicole road? Sounds awesome! Britney, I've got your back! And your front! I have as much of you as those backup dancers! Because I owned 3 of your thousand albums! And critically reviewed one in the fifth grade to my outraged peers who thought it was gold.

I would love to write more about the matter, but I have to get super dressed up now for a sorority thing! Speaking of which, I am now an Alpha in Alpha Delta Pi!!! And I love my sorority!

OLIVIA'S COLLEGE UPDATE!

TOP FIVE THINGS TO LOVE ABOUT COLLEGE:

1. The TA that is teaching my Honors Class! Surrre, I might have given him the impression that I might be dumb when I brought the US Weekly talking about Britney Spears drinking with the babies (READ IT!) as my example of an arguement, but it WAS! And it was the only magazine I had close by and what a loser I would have been to bring a book! But moving forward, he's like a Zach Braff/ I don't know what teacher guy who is funny and lets us out of class early a lot of the time. The only downside is that he really likes Chuck Klosterman (spelling?) and I tried to read one of his books and felt that he is a pretentious asshole who really isn't that attractive. So I don't think that our love can be.

2. I don't have to make food! I just swipe a card and BAM I have food! Meal Plans are the best thing ever. Sure, it's not free, but it's effortless and abundant.

3. I am getting awesome exercise walking to class/everywhere imaginable. I don't feel that guilty about the chicken nuggets I had for lunch, because I walked across campus twice and a half today. AND I got a side salad! It's like I'm training for the Olympics!

4. All my new friends are always around, because we live in the same square mile. I miss the other friends supremely, but these new ones are pretty good. My dorm is RIGHT in the middle of campus, so it's like I live in the center of a tiny little town filled with thousands of people.

5. Short, short days, despite taking 15 hours. I'm done by 12:30 pm three days a week, the other two by 2:05 pm. And so I get done, and am supposed to do homework. So I take a nap, and it's great! My roommate snores, so I have to find some way to get a little rejuvenated halfway through my day.

TOP FIVE BAD THINGS ABOUT COLLEGE:

1. Once people find out I have my Jeep up here, they want me to take them places. I have no problem with this, because I love driving. I'm good at it, I can drift (not in the Jeep, of course). But I do have a problem when people comment on my driving, "Olivia, why are you letting all these people cross?" "Olivia, try not to hit the curb next time." "Olivia, you shouldn't yell so much at the other drivers." You can suck it, and go find another ride.

2. Communal bathrooms in my dorm. They are sucky. I can't have a relaxing shower while two other people are having a relaxing shower next to me! That leaves no relaxation for me! They are using up the relaxation. And, every time someone flushes a toilet, the water pressure becomes nonexistent.

3. Living with a stranger...I hate it! My roommate is MEAN too! And she keeps saying "You know, I told you that I was a nice person and like everyone, but you just don't like me." OKAY! She is the one that is mean! I am a very nice person!!! She came in at almost one in the morning and turned on her TV while I was sleeping, so I roll over and very nicely ask her if she'd mind turning it off. So this turns into some GIANT thing where now she wants a new roommate, but now we're kind of getting along, but we had a giant fight so there's that. Shitty shit.

4. Having to go the basement to do laundry is like a bad movie! I have done my own laundry for years, but not in a basement. I feel like once I go down there it's either going to turn into a bad porno or a shitty horror film with a low budget. My solution? Don't do laundry. Wait until I go home and ask my mom to do it. She didn't this weekend, and I had to, but it was at least in a civilized laundry ROOM. Not a laundry prison.

5. I have to dress up four days in a row for Sorority Recruitment. It might kill me. BUT I'm going to look so cute it might blind you. No joke. The first day is tomorrow so I'll be not blogging for a good minute. (like, five days). But I haven't been blogging too crazily anyway so it's not like a shock to anyone's system I bet. But dressing up is great for one day, maybe a few hours. I have to dress up for four days for like, a million hours. And not bring a purse, wow, where will I put my knives? Noooo idea.

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But yeah, college is great so far. Peach Slice and Teddy Grams and Peanut Butter constituting as a meal is the best thing ever.